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Thursday, May 12, 2011

Day 3 of not screening the incoming phone calls.

Survey calling for cellular phone service.

Ring, ring: Hello.

Caller: Hi this is a no obligation phone survey for cellular phone service, do you have a few minutes to answer some questions?

Me: Yes, yes I do.

Caller: Great! So what type of cell phone do you currently have?

Me: I don’t have a cell phone.

Caller: Ok, great! So who is your cellular phone service provider?

Me: I don’t have a cell phone.

Caller: Great! So on a scale between one and ten how would you rate your cellular phone service and it options?

Me: Ten.

Caller: If you were to make any upgrades to your cellular phone is there a different package or provider other than your current one that you have been considering?

Me: No.

Caller: Ok, so your happy with your phone service between one and ten again please?

Me: Ten.

Caller: Again, what is your cellular phone style and the provider you are currently using?

Me: Again… I don’t have a cellular phone.

Caller: Oh??? Are we talking on your cellular phone right now?

Me: No, we are not, I don’t have one.

Caller: This is not a cell phone? Oh I thought you understood that this was about cellular services?

Me: Yes I understood right away, however I think you missed the answers in the beginning and as to why I am very happy with my cell phone and it’s service.

Caller: Oh I’m sorry to have taken up your time…

Me: You didn’t take up my time, it was interesting I hope this does not skew your findings this evening?

Caller: No it has not. Thank you for your patience and I hope you have a good evening.

Me: Thank you and same to you.

Now that was some cheap entertainment. Not to mention the caller had a tone of voice that said, “I am so tired and just want to go home.” And yet she was so positive in her tone of voice I was impressed with her determination and making sure that she had not wasted my time. Perhaps it gave her a break from the raving lunatics that yell at her about how these phone surveys are annoying.

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Day 3 of not screening the incoming phone calls. Here is phone call #2.

This is one that has come in a lot in the last many months. A number that I have ignored for a long time. Especially after answering it once already just to find out who it was. I saw the Florida area code the first time and thought it could be a friend of mine who I have not spoken with in about a year now. I thought the issue had been closed a while back. But noooo. I was rather abrupt in declining there offer and hung up rather rudely.

One night I invented my own personal assistant. I named him Reginald. He has been such a joy to have around. Always have your own personal assistant answer the phone for you. If you don’t have an assistant make one up. Reggie always speaks in a very pleasant tone and never gets angry.



Ring, ring: Hello?

Caller: Good evening sir. Am I speaking with Mr. Hutchins tonight?

Reginald: No sorry. I am Reginald. Mr. Hutchins personal assistant. May I ask who you are and how you obtained this number it is private you know.

Caller: I am calling in regards to the fantastic opportunity we have for Mr. Hutchins to refinance his home thru a V.A. approved home loan. May I please speak with Mr. Hutchins?

Reginald: No I’m sorry Mr. Hutchins is not taking any calls without knowing who the caller is and how they may have obtained this private number. Now if You…

Caller: Please this is a matter that we believe would interest Mr. Hutchins…

Reginald: Excuse me sir do you always interrupt those you call? Those whom you call unsolicited I might add. Is this a standard practice at your firm?

Caller: Excuse me I apologize for any interruptions. But I really think that a veteran such as Mr. Hutchins with his standing and his military service would be interested in the benefit of our offer.

Reginald: Well you have raised a few questions, but first as his assistant I have been instructed to obtain all information for his approval. Such as, how did you gather your information about Mr. Hutchins? From what data base or all them if you please. We must first have that information so that we may better understand, who is giving out this private number. It is a current assignment of mine.

Caller: We are not at liberty to discuss that matter… Is Mr. Hutchins home?

Reginald: Yes. However you must appreciate that I have been given specific instruct …

Caller may I please speak with him?

Reginald: Oh my there you go again with interruptions, we can’t continue that now can we.

Caller: Again I …

Reginald: Tut, tut, my turn to interrupt. You have been very insistent and I understand you are attempting to help the veterans of the United States, very grand indeed. But since we can’t get answers as to how you obtained this phone number, might you at least tell us what branch of the armed services Mr. Hutchins served in?

Long pause, the noise in the background was that of a call center many voices all speaking at once and some key boards clicking furiously. Finally after what seemed like about 15 seconds.

Caller: Uhh?? I, Uhh??? I don’t seem to have that information at the moment if I could speak with Mr. Hutchins I…

Reginald: You had two interruptions I shall now exercise my second one and clear this matter up for you sir.

Another short pause.

Reginald: First of all you can’t obtain information that simply does not exist. For example, the military service that never happened. He was never in the armed services. Hence our concerns as to how you obtained this information and from where. Now more importantly could you please remove this number and this name from your data base so as not to waste any further time of your loan facility. Might I add you have been most gracious on the phone and we wish you well.

Caller: What!?!? Wait, you are saying that Mr. Hutchins was never in the military?

Reginald: Precisely. That is exactly what I said. I am sure that he would be most interested as to how you thought that? Perhaps you could mail the information to us?

Caller: Thank you… Reginald? That is correct? You’re an assistant to Mr. Hutchins?

Reginald: Your most welcome and do have this number removed please. Good night sir.

Caller: Good night.

Ever since I have retained the services of Reginald I have had much more free time and less headaches and he is just wonderful. I can’t thank him enough. Good ol’ Reggie. Now if I could just get him to do all the shopping.

Chris…







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Chris J Hutchins
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